It can be very difficult to talk to your partner about having a threesome for the first time. There are many opinions on the subject and if you don’t know what your partner thinks about the idea beforehand, using the wrong approach can create unneccessary conflict in your relationship. It’s a good idea to start by first figuring out which approach will work best for your partner – here are five strategies you can use to talk to your partner about having a threesome.
Disclaimer: Having a threesome is primarily something you should consider from the position of an otherwise strong and healthy relationship. A threesome won’t save a failing marriage. For someone not experienced doing this, any form of sex outside of your primary relationship should be considered as couple’s extreme sports. Proceed with caution.
1. Say it directly
If you’re a couple who’ve already been experimenting sexually and you’re both open and willing to try new stuff, then you could consider just saying it directly. Just sit your partner down in a quiet setting and ask them directly if they would consider experimenting with you and a third.
They may initially be reluctant to talk about it or have an adverse reaction to the idea. However, after a while, they may warm up to it – especially if they feel your request isn’t an indication you’re any less interested in them alone. Be sure to show them that with both your words and your actions. You could even take the pressure off by telling your partner that this is your fantasy and that it doesn’t have to be something that you do together. It can just stay as a fantasy in your mind or as something you mutually dirty-talk about without ever actually doing it. Eventually, this alone may mean your partner warms up to the idea, as they experience the fantasy isn’t just about having sex with other people than your partner, but rather a shared journey you can take as a couple.
2. Use existing horniness
Let’s face it – a lot of couples experiment less than one of the partners would like. If you’re a new couple or you’re just not used to experimenting together, conversation is always key. You have to go slow and build the interest by capatilizing on moments of horniness. Essentially, you need to slowly introduce the idea while having sex or while your partner is turned on, because when you are turned on you will often be more open to talking about stuff that could normally be embarrassing or too private. During sex, you know your partner has already accepted you and you are in a more comfortable setting where it can be easier to open up and embrace your animalistic tendencies. If you sometimes dirty-talk to each other while having sex, one approach here could be to start dirty-talking about having a threesome. However instead of focusing on what you want to do during a threesome, focus on what you want to see your partner doing and what would make them horny. Say you’re a straight guy dating a straight girl and you want to convince her to have a threesome. Instead of dirty-talking about you having sex with her and another girl, you should focus on threesomes that would make her easily horny. Dirty-talk about her sucking a guy’s cock while you take her from behind, or having her sit on top of another guy while you kiss her. What you want to communicate is that it’s not just a matter of you wanting to have sex with other people, but rather it’s about you two doing something hot together that involves a third. Once you build the interest for one type of threesome, other types become much easier to talk about. So let it be about your partner’s desires, rather than your own, so they can see themselves in that situation and better imagine if it’s something they would be into. Sure, the straight guy may only be interested in a threesome if it’s with another girl – but if that’s the case with you, consider whether you’re doing this for the right reasons. This should be just as much about your partner’s needs and desires, as your own.
3. Tap into your partner’s bisexuality or curiousity
This is a bit of a sneaky strategy, but if you already know your partner has an interest in experimenting with their own gender, then you can start the conversation up by just tapping into your partners bisexual tendencies. This is probably the most used strategy by straight guys with bisexual or bicurious girlfriends.
By putting the focus on them getting to explore that part of themselves, it becomes easier to talk about the more general topic of sex with a third. Just simply let them know that it would be okay for you if they wanted to experiment with that and that you would even find it arousing to see them do that or be part of it.
If you’re feeling extra open and adventurous, you could even let them experiment with their own gender alone at first. Admittedly this is demanding too much of many people’s capacity for handling jealousy, but if you can manage it, it’s an especially good strategy if you’re a predominantly straight couple and the girl is interested in trying other girls – there are significantly more women looking to have sex alone with women, than their are women interested in couples (they’re called unicorns for a reason). Letting her try on her own at first may both be much easier and spark the interest for a threesome with you and some other girl later on.
4. Spark interest by using porn
If you’re a couple that sometimes find inspiration for experimentation through porn, consider using the same trick for this. There is a ton of pornography with threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, orgies and all things experimental with more than just two people. Simply casually chosing a video with a threesome as a secondary component may start the conversation for you. If they ask you to turn it off or find something else they might not be that into the idea. But if they linger a bit, you can ask if that turns them on or if they could imagine themselves in that situation. Again, talk about situations where they are the center of attention, not you. You want to spark their interest – your interest is already sparked. You may find porn works great as an ice-breaker for this. It’s simply often easier to talk about this stuff when you’re already in a sexual mood and it’ll be easier to back off without consequence if you get the impression your partner is just not into it. After all – you don’t control the plot of the porno, right? How were you to know 😉
5. Use a “wingman” third
Of all the strategies, this is probably the most aggressive, but perhaps also the one with the highest probability of success if you can get all the pieces right.
Essentially, the strategy is to find a third your partner would like. Preferably someone they’re already into and use them as your wingman (or wingwoman.. wing-person? is that a thing? choose whatever pronoun fits).
You have to know or find a person your partner will find hot and then make them flirt with your partner at a club or the like, maybe even actively letting your partner know that you like seeing them flirting with this person. Make subtle (and perhaps not so subtle) hints, that you would be into them being a bit naughty. Make sure your partner feels like the center of attention. You’re not into it because of what you could do with the third person, but instead what your partner could. Maybe it won’t give you a theesome right away, but it will start thoughts that you can build on, for example through dirty-talking during sex. Use that experience of flirting at the club, to fuel their arousal and get them sold on the idea.
If you get this one right, you may find yourself having a threesome with your partner before long – maybe even that night. Even if your resulting first threesome isn’t exactly your ideal threesome (“wrong” gender maybe?), it’s a very addictive habit for a couple, so odds are it won’t be your last. You’ll likely jump genders and setups several times and have many different awesome experiences – you just need to get your feet wet.
Attributions
Post image courtesy of Kenny Eliason – thank you.
