As a single person you’re at a bit more of a disadvantage when it comes to actionable advice. You can probably learn some insights from the other articles, but all in all it’s tough getting advice on finding a third, if you haven’t even found a second yet.

We got you covered though. Here are some tips on how to get a threesome as a single person.

Tip #1 – Be a woman

Yeah, this one may not be so helpful for many of you. Sorry!

But if you do happen to be a single woman, congratulations! Your odds of getting a threesome are very good indeed. In fact you’re pretty much set already.

Essentially, if you’re a single woman looking for a couple to have a threesome with you’re spoiled for choice beyond your wildest dreams.

Is your max pull normally a 6? – congratulations, when looking for a threesome you can bag an 8.. easily. Maybe even a 9 or 10.

Many couples are so desperate to find a woman for a threesome that you can literally choose any dating site, find a couple you like the look of and odds are they’ll be very interested to chat and check for chemistry.

There’s a reason females looking for no-strings attached threesomes with couples are usually referred to as ‘unicorns’. Most people feel they’re extremely hard to find, even borderline mythical (they’re wrong though, but that’s for another article)

Would we recommend going to a random site and banging the hottest couple there – No.. not really. But you do have that option. We’d suggest Tip #3 – even for women who could pick and choose. Guys however.. well.. your choices are basically only tips #2 and #3.. Sorry… Read on

Tip #2 – Go for a couple

A lot of guys reading out there are probably most interested in having a threesome with two women. Now, we get that. But realistically, finding two female strangers that both want to have sex with you, and each other, is a tall order. Sure, it’s not impossible – it’s just really hard.

Instead we’d suggest going for a fun lower hanging fruit, that may not be exactly what you had in mind originally, but may serve to get you there eventually. Namely, finding a couple looking for men.

There are many ways to go about this. You could go for an app like Tinder or Feeld (a lot of couples are on there), you could frequent a sex club (google sex clubs near you) or you could go to a dedicated sex dating site (there are different ones in most countries. A well-known Danish one is Scor – Comment down below with your favorite local one). Essentially, there are many roads to Rome here.

Is finding a couple as a single man going to be as easy as if you were a woman? No. Not even close. But it’s not unrealistic, especially if you know what your strengths and weaknesses are, and you’re not afraid to play to that. Are you really muscular? Show those abs. Do you have a big member? Don’t hide that fact. Can you be really dominant in bed? State that. Are you just the cutest most chill vanilla guy ever? Great, take lots of pictures of yourself in sweaters so the slightly insecure guy in the couple isn’t threatened by you.

Think about the fact that you’re not just convincing one person, you’re convincing two. The woman in the couple is only going to pick you if she’s attracted to you. You won’t attract women you wouldn’t normally be able to. So overall, you have little control there.

However, even if she thinks you’re attractive, her man might discard you because you rub him the wrong way or you don’t match their specific need for a third. If they’re an inexperienced vanilla couple looking for their first threesome, being as inoffensive, unthreatening and “normal” as possible is likely your best bet. If they’re a stag/vixen or dom/slutwife type couple, he’ll want a guy that’s good enough to have sex with his wife/girlfriend, but not so good that the guy outshines him. If instead, they’re a hotwife/cuckold type couple, they’ll likely want a guy who can be dominant with the wife/girlfriend and be passively or actively part of some level of mild to severe humiliation of the husband. There are many more kinks than just these, but those are common ones.

Determine which niche you can satisfy, find the right platform with lots of those couples and roll with it. If you don’t know which way to go, google the terms I wrote and watch a few hours of porn – you’ll probably get an idea. And hell, if you find your only option is vanilla, that’s okay too. It only changes which couples you target.

All in all, you should be thinking of yourself as a means for the couple to live out their fantasies. Be the enabler for them. That’s your best shot.

Now, at this point you might be saying “But Michael, how would having kinky sex with Tom and his wife lead to me eventually having sex with two women?” – I’ll tell you how: Stacking!

Tip #3 – Use “stacking”

“Stacking” is a term we made up for a practice we ourselves indulge in, as well as most experienced sexually open people we know. I want to say we coined the term, but that just sounds too pretentious.

It’s actually a really simple concept. It involves taking prior sexual experiences and treating them a bit like Lego bricks. Say you’re a single man who’s been on Tinder for a while. You want to try a threesome, but the opportunity hasn’t really come up. However, you have had casual sexual encounters with Lisa, Mary, Elisabeth and Tammy.

Now, say you knew that Mary was bisexual and Tammy was bicurious. Your easiest route to getting a threesome would now be to approach either Mary or Tammy and pitch the idea of finding a third together and that you might have a candidate. Say you approach Mary and she’s into the idea, you can now approach Tammy with not only the idea, but an actual woman she could have sex with if she wanted to with you. Since Tammy has already had sex with you and know you can satisfy her, the odds of getting a yes are a lot greater than with a random female stranger.

You can even take this one step further. Imagine you’ve already stacked twice. Your connections now look more like this:

The solid lines represent one-on-one encounters. The diamonds are stacked experiences, in this case two threesomes – one FFM (Female-Female-Male) threesome between you, Mary and Tammy, as well as one MMF (Male-Male-Female) threesome between you, Mary and her friend Peter, who she’s had sex with prior. You could now take all of this and pitch to Mary and Tammy that you bring in Peter for a foursome, creating this new stacked experience:

Finding people for foursomes, fivesomes, sixsomes (probably just called orgies at this point) would be very difficult without stacking, if not borderline impossible. This is how all the very successful sexually open people are doing it.

Also, having now had a foursome with you, Mary and Tammy, it would be perfectly reasonable for Peter to go ahead and have a threesome with Mary and Tammy alone. Something he may also never have tried before.
This is also where you guys from Tip #2 come into play and can lead to you eventually having a threesome with two women, even though you only had sex with couples. If you’d followed Tip #2, you might eventually get a network like this:

You’ve likely really enjoyed all of the threesomes, even though it wasn’t what you originally aimed for. However, Christopher & Lydia are special. You know they’re experienced and that they’ve had several threesomes beyond yours – several of them with women. Eventually, Christopher & Lydia will do what most experienced sexually open couples do – they’ll stack and suggest something like this:

As their reliable bull (also a sex term – google it), Christopher & Lydia saw it only fitting you get an invite to their annual Christmas sex party. An party at which you meet Maggy and Paulina – and can now take a page out of Peter’s book and make a new three-pronged stack.

Attributions

Post image courtesy of Stephen Leonardi – thank you.

Did you know that the most common sexual fantasy of all, irrespective of gender, is having a threesome? A whopping 95% of men ages 18 to 87 fantasize about threesomes according to a study by Dr. Justin Lehmiller of the Kinsey Institute, for his book Tell Me What You Want. In comparison 87% of women ages 18 to 87 fantasize about the same thing – so in terms of pure statistics, your odds of convincing her are actually very good. That is, assuming you take one crucial concept to heart: putting yourself in her shoes.

Get in the right frame of mind – Hers.

The biggest mistake most guys out there makes is simply: They’re only focused on their own needs!

Your wildest dream might be seeing your wife or girlfriend with another woman and get to have sex with both. But that’s not necessarily her wildest dream. If she’s not bi- or pansexual, there’s even a good chance she’s not even into the idea of having sex with women. Instead of trying to convince her from your perspective, imagine hers instead. What experience would she like to have? Is it with a woman or a man? How would it play out? What’s your involvement?

Essentially think about what version of a threesome would be easiest to convince her of?

The goal is not necessarily to convince her to try your perfect version of a threesome, but rather get her into the idea of some threesome. Because as soon as you’ve had one, they tend to build on themselves. She’s much more likely to want a threesome that caters to your needs, if she’s tried two that catered to hers.

Here are some tips to help you get there.

Pro tip – The biggest predictor for whether you’ll get to have a threesome is having already had one or more prior. They’re addictive.

Tip #1 – Do it for the right reasons

Now, this shouldn’t really have to be said, but just in case some of you have gotten this far without getting this basic fact: If the only reason you want a threesome is so you can have sex with other women, you’re unlikely to succeed.

Sure, you might get lucky and find out your wife or girlfriend is secretly really into open relationships, poly or cuckqueaning – but odds are you’d already be aware of that and also you’re not that lucky. You’re much more likely to be one of the other 98% that won’t convince their wife or girlfriend this way, or you’re unlikely to keep your relationship for long after having successfully pushed her into a threesome she isn’t into or ready for.

Your desire for a threesome should, at least partially, be rooted in making her desires a reality – not just your own.

Tip #2 – Threesomes are the extreme sports of relationships

Before bringing up the conversation with your wife or girlfriend, do keep in mind that some will have a very adverse reaction to the idea. Yes, you should be able to express desires in a healthy relationship. But we’re also acutely aware that some of your relationships out there might not actually be that healthy.

While it is a bit of a cliché, we sadly must inform you it’s one of the true ones: A threesome won’t fix a bad relationship.

Think of threesomes as relationship extreme sports. If your relationship is healthy and solid, a threesome might be for you. If you’re on the brink of divorce or you’ve had recent or major trust issues, I’d suggest fixing those issues before doing anything like this. Threesomes is like base jumping off a building. If your relationship is not securely protected by a parachute of mutual trust and respect, it’s going to smash on the ground.

Pro tip – Think of threesomes as the extreme sports of relationships. A threesome won’t save a failing marriage, but it might spice up a slightly stale but loving one.

Tip #3 – Take one for the team

In our experience, the most effective strategy for a man to convince his wife or girlfriend to have a threesome is to choose a threesome that clearly benefits her rather than him. This has a number of benefits, key being that there’s less risk she’ll have a kneejerk jealous reaction, as what you’re suggesting may not clearly benefit you or your desires.

The most obvious such threesome: Finding another hetero guy to join you for a MMF (Male-Male-Female) threesome.

You might be thinking “No no wait – but I don’t want that! I want to have a threesome with another woman”. We get that, we do. But as we said – threesomes are addictive. Once you’ve had one, odds are you’ll have more with both men and women.

Tip #4 – Pick the low-hanging fruit

If there are several types of threesomes your wife or girlfriend might be into, we’d strongly suggest picking the easiest to achieve when pitching it. Essentially, if she’d like to try a threesome with an extra guy, but also a threesome with a bisexual woman, choose the one with the guy. Why? Because it’s infinitely easier to make a reality fast.

Think of the old adage: “Strike while the iron is hot”.

You might want to try the threesome with the bisexual woman first – hell, she might even. But odds are with zero experience, it’s going to be a while before you’re succesful with that. She might lose interest before you get there. Finding a guy on the other hand could be achieved within days.. hours even, if you’re not too picky.

Whatever gets you that initial wow-experience of a threesome first, is the one you should go for. Trust us – once she’s tried it, odds are you won’t have to do much convincing anymore.

Pro tip – When you’re inexperienced, always go for the most easily achieved experience you desire first. Even if it’s not your ideal threesome. Building experience and robustness as a couple is most important.

Tip #5 – Don’t be too prepared

Some guys make a fatal mistake I like to call “being too prepared”. Essentially, whether due to curiousty or a misguided attempt to convince their partners, many men make the fatal mistake of already having started the whole sex partner search part. They’ve already setup couple dating profiles, already have candidates in mind (usually female) and they may have even already written with other girls online – sometimes for weeks.

This is a bad strategy. Pure and simple. The odds of this going well are astronomical. You might think you’re just showing your wife or girlfriend what her options are and making it easier for her. But in reality what you’re doing is saying you don’t respect her to be part of the decision and you’ve already taken it for her. Even if she doesn’t immedately shut you down, she might not be into looking at options for something she hasn’t even consciously agreed to yet. Even worse, she might look anyway, as stopping now without looking at options would trigger a sunk cost fallacy reaction, either with you or her, creating resentment. So either way, it’s pretty much a lose/lose.

All in all, now is not the time to look at options. You can do that together, after you’ve convinced her the basic idea isn’t crazy.

Tip #6 – Give her time

Remember – you’ve thought about this for likely weeks, months or years – she probably hasn’t. So even if she might be into it eventually, pushing her is going to get you nowhere fast. You need to give her space to feel it out and show her that you’re not suggesting these things because you don’t find her attractive, but rather that you’re so into her that you want to share her with others. Getting comfortable enough in your relationship to invite an extra woman in will often require more time – especially if it wasn’t her idea or she isn’t into women sexually. So be patient.

Attributions

Post image courtesy of We-Vibe Toys – thank you.

Disclaimer: Having a threesome is primarily something you should consider from the position of an otherwise strong and healthy relationship. A threesome won’t save a failing marriage. For someone not experienced doing this, any form of sex outside of your primary relationship should be considered as couple’s extreme sports. Proceed with caution.

1. Say it directly

If you’re a couple who’ve already been experimenting sexually and you’re both open and willing to try new stuff, then you could consider just saying it directly. Just sit your partner down in a quiet setting and ask them directly if they would consider experimenting with you and a third.

They may initially be reluctant to talk about it or have an adverse reaction to the idea. However, after a while, they may warm up to it – especially if they feel your request isn’t an indication you’re any less interested in them alone. Be sure to show them that with both your words and your actions. You could even take the pressure off by telling your partner that this is your fantasy and that it doesn’t have to be something that you do together. It can just stay as a fantasy in your mind or as something you mutually dirty-talk about without ever actually doing it. Eventually, this alone may mean your partner warms up to the idea, as they experience the fantasy isn’t just about having sex with other people than your partner, but rather a shared journey you can take as a couple.

2. Use existing horniness

Let’s face it – a lot of couples experiment less than one of the partners would like. If you’re a new couple or you’re just not used to experimenting together, conversation is always key. You have to go slow and build the interest by capatilizing on moments of horniness. Essentially, you need to slowly introduce the idea while having sex or while your partner is turned on, because when you are turned on you will often be more open to talking about stuff that could normally be embarrassing or too private. During sex, you know your partner has already accepted you and you are in a more comfortable setting where it can be easier to open up and embrace your animalistic tendencies. If you sometimes dirty-talk to each other while having sex, one approach here could be to start dirty-talking about having a threesome. However instead of focusing on what you want to do during a threesome, focus on what you want to see your partner doing and what would make them horny. Say you’re a straight guy dating a straight girl and you want to convince her to have a threesome. Instead of dirty-talking about you having sex with her and another girl, you should focus on threesomes that would make her easily horny. Dirty-talk about her sucking a guy’s cock while you take her from behind, or having her sit on top of another guy while you kiss her. What you want to communicate is that it’s not just a matter of you wanting to have sex with other people, but rather it’s about you two doing something hot together that involves a third. Once you build the interest for one type of threesome, other types become much easier to talk about. So let it be about your partner’s desires, rather than your own, so they can see themselves in that situation and better imagine if it’s something they would be into. Sure, the straight guy may only be interested in a threesome if it’s with another girl – but if that’s the case with you, consider whether you’re doing this for the right reasons. This should be just as much about your partner’s needs and desires, as your own.

3. Tap into your partner’s bisexuality or curiousity

This is a bit of a sneaky strategy, but if you already know your partner has an interest in experimenting with their own gender, then you can start the conversation up by just tapping into your partners bisexual tendencies. This is probably the most used strategy by straight guys with bisexual or bicurious girlfriends.

By putting the focus on them getting to explore that part of themselves, it becomes easier to talk about the more general topic of sex with a third. Just simply let them know that it would be okay for you if they wanted to experiment with that and that you would even find it arousing to see them do that or be part of it.

If you’re feeling extra open and adventurous, you could even let them experiment with their own gender alone at first. Admittedly this is demanding too much of many people’s capacity for handling jealousy, but if you can manage it, it’s an especially good strategy if you’re a predominantly straight couple and the girl is interested in trying other girls – there are significantly more women looking to have sex alone with women, than their are women interested in couples (they’re called unicorns for a reason). Letting her try on her own at first may both be much easier and spark the interest for a threesome with you and some other girl later on.

4. Spark interest by using porn

If you’re a couple that sometimes find inspiration for experimentation through porn, consider using the same trick for this. There is a ton of pornography with threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, orgies and all things experimental with more than just two people. Simply casually chosing a video with a threesome as a secondary component may start the conversation for you. If they ask you to turn it off or find something else they might not be that into the idea. But if they linger a bit, you can ask if that turns them on or if they could imagine themselves in that situation. Again, talk about situations where they are the center of attention, not you. You want to spark their interest – your interest is already sparked. You may find porn works great as an ice-breaker for this. It’s simply often easier to talk about this stuff when you’re already in a sexual mood and it’ll be easier to back off without consequence if you get the impression your partner is just not into it. After all – you don’t control the plot of the porno, right? How were you to know

5. Use a “wingman” third

Of all the strategies, this is probably the most aggressive, but perhaps also the one with the highest probability of success if you can get all the pieces right.

Essentially, the strategy is to find a third your partner would like. Preferably someone they’re already into and use them as your wingman (or wingwoman.. wing-person? is that a thing? choose whatever pronoun fits).

You have to know or find a person your partner will find hot and then make them flirt with your partner at a club or the like, maybe even actively letting your partner know that you like seeing them flirting with this person. Make subtle (and perhaps not so subtle) hints, that you would be into them being a bit naughty. Make sure your partner feels like the center of attention. You’re not into it because of what you could do with the third person, but instead what your partner could. Maybe it won’t give you a theesome right away, but it will start thoughts that you can build on, for example through dirty-talking during sex. Use that experience of flirting at the club, to fuel their arousal and get them sold on the idea.

If you get this one right, you may find yourself having a threesome with your partner before long – maybe even that night. Even if your resulting first threesome isn’t exactly your ideal threesome (“wrong” gender maybe?), it’s a very addictive habit for a couple, so odds are it won’t be your last. You’ll likely jump genders and setups several times and have many different awesome experiences – you just need to get your feet wet.

Attributions

Post image courtesy of Kenny Eliason – thank you.